Feels

I'm sorry, I couldn't resist titling this post "feels." :p

For no good reason, I've felt very irritated the past few days. I've felt more "on edge" about things, and been a bit frustrated & stressed in general. I have no idea why. I don't know if it's the stress of school getting to me, or if it's some odd form of homesickness—but something's started gnawing away at me and I'm trying really hard not to let it dampen my attitude.

This has happened a couple of times before—my suddenly feeling irritated for no reason. Usually, after a lot of thought, I can pinpoint the source of it and deal with it. I'm hoping that in a couple days, I'll get over whatever weird frustration I'm feeling and go back to normal.

But it's funny, because being randomly irritated has reminded me how powerful our emotions can be. Being annoyed, by extension, makes me cranky, and being cranky makes me want to act more sarcastic towards people—it makes me want to sit in my room and mope all day—and it almost completely drains any motivation I have.

Emotions—in my case, at least—often influence our decisions. We fall in love with people because of how they make us feel, then break off the relationship because we don't feel the "magic" there anymore. We go with what feels right: we "follow our hearts," which isn't a bad thing, as long as our heart's desires are in alignment with the Bible; but when our hearts urge us towards selfishness and sin, we often give in to satisfy our emotional impulses.

Emotions aren't a bad thing. Heck, my favorite books, movies, TV shows, and video games are the ones that inspire the strongest emotional reactions in me. I wouldn't be nearly as big on Doctor Who if it didn't make me cry myself to sleep sometimes. (If you mention "Donna Noble" or "Journey's End" in my presence, it'll be enough to send shockwaves of pain through my heart.)

Strong emotions can inspire us to worship. They can inspire us to help the needy, or extend kindness to someone who'd otherwise be considered "undeserving."

They can also be a destructive force, and inspire us to commit acts we never thought we could.

I didn't feel like being sarcastic yesterday because someone was mean to me, or because the recipient of my sarcasm "deserved" it. I just wanted to be sarcastic 'cause I was irritated—but that's a stupid reason, and my being irritated doesn't excuse any negative behavior I might exhibit.

I guess that's the bottom line: that emotions, no matter how strong, don't excuse sinful behavior. They can explain it, but not excuse it (those are two very different things).

David committed adultery with Bathsheba partly because he gave in to emotional impulse. He didn't think rationally, and he certainly didn't think with a frame of mind to please the Lord. Later, he recognized his sin and repented—but I have been like David many times, and done things that were stupid/crappy/illogical/mean/etc. because I simply "felt" like it.

Gosh. Too many feels, man. Too many feels.

Like I said, emotions aren't inherently bad—where there's anger and spite and selfishness, there's also joy and pity and genuine, selfless love. Controlling our emotions is a battle I'm not sure we'll ever win; it's part of being a flawed, imperfect human. I'm looking forward to the day when all I will feel are the emotions God intended for us to have as His perfect, redeemed children.